Official Media Partner of The Shiva Bowl
Bailey Smith 254 lifts Tom over Stabby 1253-1166. L. Jackson 256 (again) drives Diamond past Cotton. Whitfield 250 powers Wominjeka. Lachie posts 959 — yes, 959 — and loses by 278 to Charlie. Daicos curse goes 3-from-3.
Different week, same scene at the MitchWhite training paddock: M. Gawn turns up, scores 212 from the C, and then looks around to find five teammates have phoned in sick. Jaques, Clohesy, Treloar, Prestia and Grlj — all DNP. The auto-emergencies coughed up Sidebottom 39 and Humphrey 75 to fill the holes. Z. Merrett 111 (V) was solid, K. Amon 114 turned up, J. Gunston 100 did his job. Everyone else: vibes only. Final score 1108, seventh straight loss, and Mitch is now bottom of the league on percentage (88%). Gawn deserves a tribute. The other 13 deserve a stern email.
Round 9 of The Shiva Bowl was carnage at the top, comedy in the middle and a frankly embarrassing 959 at the bottom. Tom is alone in first. Stabby tumbled four spots. Maddie won AGAIN. And KP captained Grundy. Yes, on purpose.
TOP OF THE TABLE. Tom is Team beat Stabby Chatfields 1253-1166 to take solo first. B. Smith 254 from the C did most of the damage, with K. Farrell 122 and J. Bowey 98 from the bench filling in nicely. Stabby's day was broken by a captaincy choice that went sideways: D. Zorko got the C and posted 76 (doubled to 152), the highest score on the team. When your captain leads the squad with a 76 raw, the day is what it is. Stabby drops to 4th on percentage. The title race just got crowded.
WHAT EVEN IS THIS. The Diamond Zwerves dropped 1521 on Cotton On Contributions, won by 275, and Zwerve's masterstroke was — for the second week running — captaining L. Jackson, who returned 256 (raw 128). A. Roberts came on for 157 from the bench as an emergency. Diamond is now FIVE in a row, 6-3, and second on the ladder. Cotton's H. Sheezel went 254 from the C and it didn't matter. Jackson (the coach) is once again top of the league for points-for (11,615) and somehow 7th on the ladder. The Cotton Curse continues.
WOMINJEKA WARRIROS also five in a row, beating Catslee 1405-1301. L. Whitfield 250 from the C, J. De Goey 118, L. Humphries 104. Catslee's C. Petracca 166 (C) and J. Dawson 133 weren't enough. Al is genuinely cooking now.
KP'S CAPTAIN-CRIME OF THE YEAR. Lachie Neale's Divorce Lawyer scored 959. Nine. Hundred. And. Fifty. Nine. The captain was B. Grundy, who scored 54 (doubled to 108). Last round KP captained Grundy and got 256. This round, the same captain choice, the same Grundy, returned 54. Same coach, same player, same letter. Different universe. CharlieGuerno cruised home 1237 with S. Berry 138 from the C and L. Neale 124 from the V (V outscored C, of course). Charlie moves to 6-3 and 3rd. KP now has the inverse of the captain curse — call it the captain compliment? It happens TO him.
MADDIE STILL WINNING. Maddiekarp made it two in a row, 1164-1108 over MitchWhite. K. Pickett 116 (C) was a step down from her 192 and 262 efforts the previous fortnight, but J. Noble 135 from defence, R. Lester 103 from the bench and B. Williams 81 made up the difference. The 1-7 streak is now in the rear-view mirror and a 2-game W streak is forming. Loss column is no longer a monolith.
DAICOS CURSE, EPISODE THREE. Anna's Angels15 beat claire 1345-1094. claire captained N. Daicos for the third week running. Three weeks of Daicos as C: 270, 248, 95. Three weeks of claire: L, L, L. The lowercase remains lowercase. Anna had I. Rankine 162, M. Bontempelli 143, R. Laird 110 and L. Ash 178 from the C — broad, balanced, and four scores over 100.
LADDER STATE: Tom solo 1st (7-2). Then a four-team logjam at 6-3 — Diamond, Charlie, Stabby, Wominjeka — separated by percentage. Lachie 5-4 sixth. Cotton/Catslee/Anna all 4-5. Maddie/Claire/Mitch all 2-7, sorted bottom-to-top by percentage. Mitch is officially last.
All coaches were made available for questions. Most of them should not have been.
Q: Tom. Solo first place. 1253-1166 over Stabby. Bailey Smith 254. Big day.
“B. Smith 254 from the C — the prophecy is back online. I lost to Zwerve last week and the league had a nice little chuckle. Solo first this week. The vanilla slices? Still owed. The ladder? Mine. Both can be true.”
Q: Stabby's Zorko 152 from the C — your read?
“I'm not going to gloat about another coach's captain choice. I'm going to gently note that captaining Zorko produced 76 raw, which is approximately the same as captaining a fern. That's all. Moving on.”
Q: Zwerve. 1521. Five in a row. L. Jackson 256 from the C. AGAIN.
“L. Jackson is now my permanent C until the universe pries the armband out of his hands. Two weeks. Two 250+ returns. The swerve continues. A. Roberts came off the bench for 157 because the bench is allowed to be elite as well, apparently. 6-3, second on the ladder, and the freight train is now on rails.”
Q: KP. 959. The captain was Grundy. Grundy scored 54.
“Last round Grundy gave me 256. This round Grundy gave me 54. He's a man of range. I am the protagonist of a play about variance. McAuliffe 30, McCarthy 24 — there is no captain on Earth who could have rescued today. I want to be clear: the captain choice is not the problem. Math is the problem. Math owes me an apology.”
Q: 959 is the lowest team score of the season.
“I am proud to have set a record. Not the one I was aiming for, but a record. We will not speak of this again.”
Q: Maddie. Two in a row. The streak is now a... different streak.
“From 0-7 to 2-7. I am unstoppable. Pickett only 116 from the C — she's allowed an off week after going 262 and 192. J. Noble 135 picked up the slack. The W column is no longer empty AND no longer lonely. Watch this space.”
Q: You're 10th on the ladder now. Tracking up.
“Tenth. Above Claire. Above Mitch. The vibes are immaculate. I'm coming for ninth.”
Q: Claire. Daicos 95 from the C. Three-week running total: 270, 248, 95. Three losses.
“Daicos is my captain. He will remain my captain. The universe is testing me and I will not flinch. Today he had a quiet game and I deserved more from the rest of my squad — Maric 52, Fonti 46, Atkins 41, Henry 56 was a soft middle that no captain could rescue. The lowercase rebuilds.”
Q: Marc. 1166-1253 to Tom. Down to 4th. Zorko 76 raw from the C.
“Some weeks the captain delivers and some weeks the captain politely declines. Zorko declined. The team total of 1166 isn't a disaster — it's just a number that doesn't beat 1253. Tom is back in first. We will be back. The Chatfields don't sulk.”
Q: Anna. 1345 over claire. Bouncing back nicely. Still blame Tom for last week?
“I have moved on. Tom and I have a quiet understanding now. I scored 1345 with Rankine 162, Bontempelli 143, Ash 178 from the C, four scores over 100. The Angels are 4-5, ninth on the ladder, and the trajectory is upward. No further questions about Tom.”
Q: Al. Five in a row. Whitfield 250 from the C. 6-3.
“From 1-3 to 6-3. The Warriros do not stop. Whitfield is the captain, the depth is the depth, and I am cooking with every burner on at once. Top four on percentage. The middle of the season belongs to me.”
Q: Jackson. Sheezel 254 from the C. You score 1246 — and lose by 275. How?
“Because Diamond scored 1521. There is no analysis required. I posted 1246 with Sheezel 254 (C), Flanders 119, McKercher 86, Ross 96, Durham 93. It was a fine score. It met a hurricane. Cotton remains top of the league for points-for and seventh on the ladder, which is the most Cotton-coded sentence ever written.”
| # | Team | W | L | D | PF | PA | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Tom is Team | 7 | 2 | 0 | 10661 | 10120 | 105.3 |
| 2 | The Diamond Zwerves | 6 | 3 | 0 | 11909 | 11151 | 106.8 |
| 3 | CharlieGuerno | 6 | 3 | 0 | 11235 | 10646 | 105.5 |
| 4 | Stabby Chatfields | 6 | 3 | 0 | 10141 | 9620 | 105.4 |
| 5 | Wominjeka Warriros | 6 | 3 | 0 | 11138 | 10624 | 104.8 |
| 6 | Lachie Neale's Divorce Lawyer | 5 | 4 | 0 | 11064 | 10759 | 102.8 |
| 7 | Cotton On Contributions | 4 | 5 | 0 | 11615 | 11002 | 105.6 |
| 8 | Catslee Spinning | 4 | 5 | 0 | 10177 | 10443 | 97.5 |
| 9 | Anna's Angels15 | 4 | 5 | 0 | 10640 | 11246 | 94.6 |
| 10 | Maddiekarp | 2 | 7 | 0 | 10612 | 11272 | 94.1 |
| 11 | claire | 2 | 7 | 0 | 9372 | 10359 | 90.5 |
| 12 | 🚨MitchWhite | 2 | 7 | 0 | 9759 | 11081 | 88.1 |